Louisiana tips

I’ve always been fascinated with places and their histories, and lately I’ve been on a Louisiana kick. Devouring all things Louisiana. Especially Lafayette and “Acadiana” – the heavily Catholic southern region of the state from Baton Rouge to the Texas border.  Louisianans are a friendly, helpful people, and one native has provided the following tips for visitors:

For the official record, nobody who is genuinely from Louisiana puts an apostrophe between y and all. There is nobody real in Louisiana who says ya all.

We say YALL. One word, one syllable, no missing letters, no punctuation. Yall. If you stutter after Y and before A everyone will know you’re a transplant.

A few tips about the crawdad state…

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes, and 4,998 live in Louisiana.
There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 live in Louisiana, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
Possums will eat anything.
Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
“Onced” and “twiced” are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
People actually grow and eat okra.
“Fixinto” is one word.
A tank is a hole in the ground to hold water for irrigation, for watterin’ the cows, for swimming, or for a weekly bath.
There ain’t no such thing as “lunch.” There’s only dinner and then there’s supper.
Coffee is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you’re 2.
All tea is always iced. All coffee is always hot. If you serve us hot tea or iced coffee, expect to scrap.
“Backwards and forwards” means I know everything about you.
“Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
Darn near everyone knows 5 or more cloud types. (Guess they got to be look’n out for them ternayders–translation: tornadoes.)


You know you’re from LOUISIANA if . . .

1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
3. Stores don’t have bags, they have sacks.
4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
5. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
6A. You’ve lived in Louisiana your whole life and still didn’t know Mardi Gras wasn’t a national holiday.
7. You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave the place unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
9. You know what “cow tipping” is.
10. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
11. The local paper covers national and international news on one page, but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
12. You think the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
13. You find 100 degrees F “a little warm.”
14. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
15. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as “goin wal-martin” or off to “Wally World.”
16. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
17. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop . . . it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
18. You understand these jokes and share them with your friends from Louisiana.