New Sherwood

How to handle insufficiently dressed females

J.D. Carriere (via Steve Skojec) has some excellent advice for men:

You have, Dear Reader, perhaps had stuck between your teeth something vegetable; a poppy seed, spinach, whatnot.

Likewise indecent exposure. To rectify one’s unintended display, be it buffet or bosom, it is always better to know.

So when a lady has fallen the rest of the way out of her summer top, it is not proper for the gentleman to assume she meant to, whatever the prevailing fashion of the place.

Though he be divided between his own discomfort at raising the topic and the plight, unsightly or otherwise, of the hapless lass, the truly decent gentleman willingly undertakes in all things to subordinate his own comfort in service to the other.

He may not shirk, lest, imagine the tumult, the exposed lady next meet her clergyman or her grandfather.

Neither may he snicker or leer. Leering is to be saved for his wife and snickering for later.

So the gentleman will proceed, delicately, thus:

“Forgive my noticing, Miss, but to save you a felony charge it is my profound discomfiture to inform you that you appear to have misplaced your areola. Not, mind you, that it is lost. Rather, Miss, you see it is very much in evidence. I thought it best you should know. Good day.”.

His duty done, he may retire for cocktails.

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June 27, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized

5 Comments »

  1. I don’t know how it is in other parts of the country, but here in K’zoo I’d say the last two summers have been a teeny bit better in terms of (very near) nudity in one’s face. We still have plenty of it, unfortunately. But it seems to me that the style for very long shirts, including the extra-layer undershirts and the new shirts that look like very ugly maternity tops, has helped somewhat to cover up the lower backs and hip bones a bit at the local grocery store. To make up for it, the tops plunge lower at the top than ever before.

    By the way, a mystery: How _do_ the men’s pants stay up that are designed to fall down all the way below the hips? I would think that by the time they get that far, it would be all over and they would be down around the ankles. I’ve wondered this for a long time. And how can the men bear to wear them? To me it looks like they can hardly walk in them.

    Like

    Comment by Lydia | June 27, 2008 | Reply

  2. +JMJ+

    Lydia, I don’t know if this is always the case, but I once saw a pair of such jeans with boxer shorts already attached. The wearer puts on the boxer shorts, which fit perfectly, and the jeans, which are sewn on about halfway down the boxers, can hang low without any danger of sliding down. =P

    Yeah, it looked as ugly as it sounds.

    Like

    Comment by Enbrethiliel | June 27, 2008 | Reply

  3. That _would_ explain how they stay up. Thanks. I just like to know things. :-)

    Like

    Comment by Lydia | June 28, 2008 | Reply

  4. Thank you very much for the link, Mr. Culbreath.

    Like

    Comment by JD Carriere | June 29, 2008 | Reply

  5. You are most welcome, Mr. Carriere. Thank you for the comic relief!

    Like

    Comment by Jeff Culbreath | June 29, 2008 | Reply


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